In her book The Boudoir Bible, Betony expresses her fundamental belief that “deep sexual satisfaction is the foundation for enduring and meaningful relationships”. Those who enjoy more liberated sex lives, are known to living “healthier, happier and more satisfying lives in general”. We explore her mission to empower women and men to enjoy and share greater pleasure and give you a taster of the subjects covered in her book.

Throughout The Boudoir Bible, Betony uses the term (PGO) ‘predominantly genitally oriented’ sex that results in “fleeting encounters that last from three to fifteen minutes. But in order to reveal someone’s true pleasure potential, we must evolve past ‘fast sex’ which as Betony points out is caused by an“ overemphasis upon the genitals, and in particular the male genitals.” This workbook provides an introduction to unlocking deeper pleasure to move away from what is commonly accepted as the norm.

Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony

“By creating a ritualized context for sexual exploration, extending the duration of the time of the sexual encounter, and engaging the entire body as a sexual whole, the ceremony aims to broaden the horizons of pleasure beyond that which may be experienced through ‘normal,’ everyday sex.”

Titillating Touch

“Making love is about all the senses, but touch remains one of the most powerful and versatile paths to pleasure. In establishing contact with your lover, you can provide titillation and excitement or convey security and trust. Touch has the power to initiate the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, to signal changes in phases, or to provide a blissful way to “come down” after extended pleasures.

A massage is a divine way to initiate intimate contact, especially if your partner is not quite ready and is perhaps tense or preoccupied. An erotic massage will permit you to back off yet continue to transport your lover into the sexual realm, such as during an intermission. It is also an excellent way to get a sensory overview of the sensual land- scape. If you feel insecure about administering massages, read about the subject, or take a class to help you build confidence and develop some skills. Getting a massage is also great way to learn how to give a massage.”

Be aware of your orgasm

“Become aware of how the orgasm reflex manifests in your body. The next time you are on the verge of an orgasm, observe what is happening. Are you in a state of physical tension rather than relax- ation? Are your legs, buttocks, shoulders, back, and neck taut? Are you holding your breath? If so, you are on the verge of having a tension orgasm—a common, unconscious habit related to “fast sex.” Muscular rigidity increases when we hold our breath, which does not allow the orgasmic wave to mount to its full potential. While tension may permit us to cum faster, it actually slows rather than facilitates the flow of blood to the genitals, resulting in genitally local- ized sensations that more closely resemble repressed sneezes than deep, rolling waves of full-body pleasure.

While tension orgasms can come in handy if you have no time or energy for anything but a “quickie,” they reveal only a fraction of our orgasmic pleasure capacity. Learn to relax into your pleasure. Remind yourself to breathe into the sensations you are experiencing as your pleasure mounts, rather than holding your breath. Deep, full breaths send pure oxy- genated blood throughout the entire body, including the genitals. So breathe with ecstatic purpose: let fresh oxygen relax the mind and purify and enliven the entire body. A calm mind is a more creative mind, which leads the body to become more receptive to pleasure. The disciplines of yoga and meditation incorporate breath awareness and control in the earliest stages of the practice. Their techniques can be utilized in the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony to great effect. As many yogis say, ‘Where the mind goes, the body follows.’”

Erotic Meditation

“To build ever-greater levels of intimacy, consider your erotic playtime a form of meditation. Be present and truly venerate each other by focusing on what you are doing to your lover and what is being done to you. Lack of concentration is the primary reason for premature ejaculation in men and for what was once termed frigidity in women. No one wants to be in bed with a distracted, clumsy lover! Whether you are pleasing yourself or someone is pleasuring you, it is crucial to be in the moment.”

Ritual Masturbation

“Self-knowledge and awareness facilitate sexual communication, which increases the likelihood that your partner will be able to acknowledge and provide you with what pleases you most. When we are familiar and comfortable with our genitals, it is easier to invite our lovers to assist and share in the pleasures they provide, without inhibition.

Many people associate masturbation with solitude and moments when sex with a partner is not possible. This has perpetuated one of the greatest myths surrounding masturbation: that we should stop pleasuring ourselves once we are in a happy relationship. Those who continue to masturbate on their own despite being in a relationship are often wrongly considered to be sexually unsatisfied. In reality, masturbation increases readiness in women, and as long as it is not practiced merely as a means to orgasm in association with ejaculation by men, it is a great way to increase desire for a partner’s loving attention.

Masturbation has the advantage of keeping the genitals toned and ready for action. Like any other muscle in the body, the pelvic-floor muscles that surround and support the sexual apparatus are healthier when they are regularly called into action. Masturbating together or inviting your lover to watch you masturbate during partner sex is great fun and also demystifies the masturbation taboo. It can teach partners about each other’s response to genital stimulation.

If you are not in a relationship or are between partners, practicing the ritual of self-loving on a regular basis will help to avoid the negative effects of sexual frustration as well as the possibility that the libido may go lax through erotic complacency. Masturbation will keep the body primed until someone with whom to celebrate the shared joys of the sexual ritual comes along. It also has the power to reverse the subliminal effects of culturally induced sexual taboos and repression. In addition, masturbation has the power to revive lazy libidos, to renew waning desire between established couples, and enhance the orgasmic response.”